I do not know where I am going with this blog entry.
I do not know where I am going with my life.
It’s been a month now and I am still entirely upset about this breakup. I wish that I could just cocoon myself up for the next two months and let this whole thing blow over, but I refuse to do that because the weather is warming up, and I don’t want to miss out on what could be a fantastic summer just because some girl doesn’t want to spend it with me.
The hardest thing about being single is being unable to find anybody who wants to do anything. Everybody seems to be booked with other plans at all times. I am going to miss out on everything because I don’t have the confidence to go out and enjoy things on my own. I wonder how many opportunities I will miss this summer because of that.
I can understand why people jump from relationship to relationship. It’s a good feeling to know that somebody that you want to be around wants to be around just as much.
I am a fully-functional independent person, so I don’t “need” a significant other to feel complete. However, I am a normal and social human being, so it does get lonely when there’s nobody in my bed. Sometimes I feel like rebounding and finding myself on top of another girl, but lately I’ve just been feeling like I don’t want to be touched.
I don’t regret settling down when I was a teenager. For these past three years, she was exactly who I wanted to spend my time with, even if I was young and presented a world of other options. I also don’t hate her for realizing that she’d be happier without me.
Most of my coworkers are happily married and under thirty. I wouldn’t say that is one of my personal goals, but I am not against the idea of getting married young, especially if it’s with the right person. I convinced myself that I had found, “the one” but I still held onto my reservations because it’s just too difficult to believe that things will work out when every marriage around me was falling apart. I am glad that I did though, because I wasn’t completely caught off guard when she showed me just how fast and how far somebody can throw me away. Better now than in divorce court.
Sometimes she expresses interest in hanging out and getting back together, but I don’t. I don’t want to fall into that trap where people get back together with their exes just because they don’t have the strength and will power to move on to something better. I can see that the relationship failed for reason and now I need to move on. I know that I am not perfect, but I still remain hopeful that there is somebody out there who will desire and appreciate my company as much as I will desire and appreciate theirs.