f sea nymph on acid scaling a wall in the sunshine
July222014

Brand New | Amnesia Rockfest, QC | 20 June 2014

Brian Lane appreciation post.

July212014

"I wish that we had met at a later point in our lives." 

I don’t respect that statement as valid reason for a breakup, nor as a condolence for the death of a romantic relationship. To me, it seems like the person uttering those words is relieving themselves of the responsibility of their actions, and attempting to pass blame for their shortcomings onto the made up concept of time.

If what you’re really trying to communicate is that you in your current state are too immature to carry out an adult relationship, then say that. I don’t want to hear ‘what ifs’ and dreams about how one day you might develop into a fully grown and functional human being capable of dating in the future. I’d rather hear an intelligent and well thought out analysis of what went wrong now. But that’s just my preference. I value concrete, logical thoughts over fantastical, fleeting emotions. Some people think with their minds, and others feel with their hearts. 

I should probably start honoring both, equally.

July192014

I’ve always felt like the best part of Hudson County was the east side because it borders New York City, but recently I have realized that my favourite part of Manhattan is the west side, which borders New Jersey

11AM

This is one of my favourite music videos, and I rewatch it frequently.

It’s no secret that ANTM is my favourite television show, and there is an online community online of rabid fanboys who obsessively follow the careers of the girls. Very few girls from the Next Top Model franchise rise to the ranks of fashion icon, but a good chunk of them respectably find work as models/ actresses/ personalities.

Aside from runway and print, a lot of the girls will resurface in commercials, tv, film, and music videos. The reason that I am getting into this is because, on these online forums, there’s a term for girls whose careers will never amount to anything more than being a featured extra in a music video. We call them video hos.

Now, I’ve always thought that it would be incredible to write, direct, and produce a music video. It doesn’t even have to be anything big budget. Just a project between myself, and some friends. There’s this girl, who is absolutely breathtaking inside and out. She is a muse, an inspiration to actually make moves and do something artistic with my life. And you know how I reward her for being so incredible? I tell her that it would be an honor if I could ever get her to be a video ho for me.

I spent so much time online, that ‘video ho’ became synonymous with lead actress. Of course she took offense to my comment. Looking back, I take offense to my own words. Ever since that moment, I’ve become more conscious of the way that language is used to devalue and destroy people. Now I am always thinking about the words we elect to use to insult, praise, and describe one gender versus another. 

10AM

I am an extremely sensitive person, but I elect to shut my feelings down and instead pretend to be a detached, apathetic robot, because whenever I have attempted to communicate with others about something that is hurting me, people have gotten carelessly upset and made me feel like I am a needy and dramatic individual. It’s unfortunate to feel like my friends don’t have the time nor desire to acknowledge, respect, and reflect on the way that some of their actions are affecting me. 

Having my feelings disregarded probably bothers me more than the questionable behavior that I was calling out in the first place. I can understand the preference for having good times and keeping conversation lighthearted, but I also think it’s an important empathetic quality to be able to put yourself in somebody else’s shoes and listen to where they are coming from.

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